the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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