Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
