I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
