i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
