Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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