Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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