cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
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The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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