You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
