Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
