I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's blow job season.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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