Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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