So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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