I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
