He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
