Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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