if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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