girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
