NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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