Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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