If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
