Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
