Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
