Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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