omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
