oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
