My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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