according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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