i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
