turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
