Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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