it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
