Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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