I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
