Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
