I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
