I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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