I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
