I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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