he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
