her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
