I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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