I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My vagina is officially offended.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
