last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
