Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
