Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
