Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
