They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
