can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
