running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
