i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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