I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
