i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
