I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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