We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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