Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
