I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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