where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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