I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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